Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Am I crazy?


OMG. I cannot believe it has been almost a week since my last post. I am appalled! Anyway- I’m over it now. So this past week has been less than stellar. Both of my children were sick with croup last week and then I had to wake up on Saturday with some mutant hybrid crossbreed of flu, sinusitis, and what appeared to be the PLAGUE. Only 2 times in my life can I ever recall feeling this bad: Once in Feb 2008, I had the original influenza that could be kicked with Tamiflu, except when you're pregnant, which I was, but I digress and once back in November 2008, when I had pneumonia. That pneumonia lasted- I kid you not, for 6 agonizing months. After multiple doctor visits and my approximate weight in antibiotics and steroids, I was sent to a pulmonologist only to discover that not only could I now lift a car with the sheer force of my mind, but I also had asthma. I know?! So back to Monday, like 2 days ago, I felt so bad that I came to work knowing good and well, I was never going to make it a full day. I left 2 hours into my 8 hour work day, but I mean, kudos for me- AT LEAST I TRIED. So, I got home and tried to sleep, but could not due to the excessive cough/mucus/phlegm issues. You’re welcome. So I took Mucinex DM. I don’t know if you guys have ever taken this 12 hour miracle cure, but let me just say O.M.G. I still felt horrible, but I had the energy of a high-strung toddler on a sugar-infused caffeine bender. Too sick to leave the house, but too wired to even consider sleep, I watched a lot of television and played an embarrassing amount of FarmVille via Facebook. I did get up shortly before MP got home with the carrier monkeys and despite my illness, I managed to bake some okra and skillet some squash and onions. MP grilled steaks upon his arrival and it was AWESOME! At least I heard it was. I wouldn’t know because I couldn’t taste it. However, I did notice that I was able to chew it without nearly as much pain as before, so TongueGate09 may be on its way to resolving soon. Also, I do feel much better today so yay for that. And for Afrin nasal spray. You are my hero.


In other news, Big Sir got promoted to the 1 year old room, like yesterday! I am excited because at a $40 per month savings, I totally requested it, but I am saddened too because I didn’t realize that the 1 year old room does not allow bottles. Did you all read that? NO.BOTTLES.ALLOWED. It's a dry county is what it is. Sippy cups only, which I get, but man. My baby doesn’t even know how to use a sippy cup yet?! Sure he can eat an entire piece of pizza with absolutely no assistance needed and he doesn’t shy away from the food off others’ plates, but still. What if he starves? It does help tremendously to not have to mix up 4 (8) oz bottles in the morning, but I almost miss that little chore. I get that he is one step closer to independence, but mixing the bottles? To me, that was one less step from being a full grown human. As if that wasn’t enough, the 1 year olds don’t even sleep in cribs! They nap. On nap mats. On the floor. With the germs. Like dogs. Augh. My poor baby. (Note to self: order custom nap pad ASAP- cannot stand the thought of him sleeping on the germs of other children. Yuck.) I don’t ever remember going thru this with Brogan. I think with her I was just so glad she was growing up. Having never actually had a baby before, she rocked our worlds and I wanted some normalcy back. I was grateful for her to take one step towards toddlerhood, but Swaid? Not so much. I think the problem is knowing that MP and I do not plan on having any more children. I wouldn’t curse it if it happened, but we’re just not planning on it. I want my baby to be a baby a little longer. The time has gone by way too fast for my liking. I mean, Sir will turn 1 in like, 3 weeks and I haven’t even planned his party! Not because I don’t want to have one, but because I blinked and all of a sudden it’s August. If I were at Hogwart’s, I would totally have a time turner…I’m just sayin’

Am I crazy? Am I the only person who has ever wished adulthood on one child, but regretted every step of growing up for another?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Sneak preview

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
1. 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

My testimony is pretty simple. I don’t have any extraordinary turn around moments. I was never sold to a band of gypsies. I wasn’t deserted in a foreign region only to be witnessed to by rainforest natives. I wasn’t raised by a vegetarian pack of silverback koala monkeys. No, nothing like that. I have no bells or whistles to offer. I have nothing that will make you shake your head and say, “I just cannot believe it”, but I CAN guarantee you that the Lord doesn’t see my salvation story as anything but SPECTACULAR! To Him, my story is a Tony Award winning Broadway Play starring Mary Magdalene. Peter and Paul would give it two thumbs up if they were critics. To Him, he sees nothing ordinary about my coming to know Him. To Him it is a joyous occasion, if not THE most joyous occasion there ever was. An occasion meant to be celebrated. If I were a betting woman, I would slap a $20 down and confidently declare that a Heavenly party was thrown in my honor on that day. I would tell you that this party? It put any one of Sean “P. Diddy” Combs’ parties to shame. Puff’s annual “White Party?” Ain’t got nothing on the celebration that was thrown for me in Heaven that day. People magazine would write that Heaven is the new “hot spot.” Celebrities would be begging to get in. I can see it now: Cue dream sequence music…..

The red carpet was laid out and the pearly gates were shining. A Chariot of Fire pulls up and out steps Jesus. Onlookers stand in awe. The paparazzi snap pictures, but they don’t worry about trying to get His good side. He is beautiful. He is nothing BUT good sides. Our Father makes his way to His throne, stopping to greet everyone there. He reaches His throne, but before sitting, He turns to the crown and with arms raised, proudly declares that *I* had answered His call. You can hear the adoration in his sweet voice. He smiles so big you almost can’t see his gentle eyes. He is a proud Father. If he had bubble gum cigars, He would totally be passing them out. The trumpets blare. The angels rejoice. The disciples are so overcome with joy that they can hardly sit still. My great grandparents clap along with all those who went before me. The applause is deafening. He writes my name in the Book of Life. He cries happy tears and before the ink has even dried, the Book is shut. After that a celebration greater than the combined all eight seasons of “My Super Sweet Sixteen” commenced and under all eleventy-gabillion stars, I am sure they danced until dawn. I can just see Daniel and Jonathan high-fiving. I’m sure they even chest-bumped. There may have even been a mosh-pit. I’m just sayin’…..

I mean, I wasn’t there, but in my mind that is totally how I picture it all going down. How awesome is that? He knows my name? He celebrates my re-birth? He calls me his own? Wow. I am almost without words. I am His daughter. He loves me. Say it with me now, WOW.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Don't hate....

Oh wow. So, don’t hate. I’m been so distracted lately, I haven’t even thought about blogging. Don’t take it personal, I haven't thought about cooking, cleaning or grocery shopping either. Oh, don't look at me like that. You KNOW you've had those days (or weeks) too! But between 2 sick children and TongueGate 09, I’ve been all out of sorts! Anyway, there’s really not too much going on; although, I DO need to report that MP totally backed into my mother’s car this morning. I wish I could say it was the first time he hit her car, buuuuut it wasn’t. I also wish I could say that this was the first vehicle he’s backed into ever, buuuuut it isn’t. I’m not one to throw anyone under a bus though, so I’ll leave it at that. Smile. I love him. He probably hates me right now, but it was so, so funny you guys. The funniest part was when the rain started to come down as he was trying to separate the two vehicles. Sigh- it was Classic. Oh, and my mother laughed so hard I thought she was going to fall off our back porch. Good times. Of course, I facebooked about it. I had to. Nothing is sacred around these parts.

TongueGate 09 update: I went back to Dr. Dental yesterday because I am still having serious (or surrus in rapper-speak) pain. I'ts hard to explain...It doesn’t hurt to TOUCH the tongue- it hurts to USE the tongue. More specifically, it hurts to stick it out, so I can’t lick an ice cream cone, or eat a sucker, or antagonize my toddler. It hurts to chew gum and to swallow, oh and to talk. I hope all that makes sense. I’ve been referred to an oral surgeon and I’ll see him tomorrow. Dr Dental thinks now that it may not be nerve damage as he'd previously though, but muscle damage instead. Which is good because the muscle will heal…I hope. Dr Dental was all “let’s get her in with Dr Dental II…it’s not an emergency, but see if he can see her as soon as possible” and I was all, “Um. I beg to differ- this IS emergent, for I cannot eat a Tootsie Pop!” So yea, tomorrow it is. We’ll see.

Work is also crazy, super busy. It’s almost overwhelming, but it’ll be fine. I just wish people would stop getting hurt on the job for like 2 seconds. Really, guys- can’t you cut me some slack? I understand you cut the tip of your finger off in a tragic, 1st digit-to-saw accident, but WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?! I kid. It is unfortunate.

So um, M. DIDDY- funny Brogan conversation held this AM:

BB: Good mernin’, Mommy.
ME: Good morning, Princess. Did you sleep well?
BB: Stop talking to me. I am trying to sleep.
ME: But, you just….

She cut me off mid-sentence! I was offended, but I let it slide because both she and Baby Swaid are sick this week. Croup. I just want to give a shout out to the kid that infected my kids: “Thx. That’ll be $160.00 in medicals and an unfathomable amount of money in my pain and suffering. Make checks payable to me.”

What else? Oh, so I’m on FarmVille now. I blame Elizabeth, cousin-in-law extraordinaire, for that. If you FaceBook, be my neighbor. Oh, and also send me a cow, please. I really want one!

Fun fact:

81- I cannot stand to be in crowds. If you see me bobbing and weaving like an elderly driver on I-55 North at 5:15 PM that doesn’t understand why you cannot exit Woodrow Wilson AND make the immediate right turn onto Lakeland Drive, don’t be alarmed. I am just trying to get out of the church sanctuary because I am physically unable to cope with people touching me in crowds. I often have to leave MP’s side to JUST.GET.OUT! and then just meet up with him in the lobby. If you try to stop me and I keep walking, please don’t think I’m rude- I’m really not. It’s the crowds I don’t like, not you. You? Are wonderful!

You know what? That’s all I’m gonna write today. HOLLA!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

God Moment

God Moment

Last night, before, during and after my TLC: Trio of Television Wonder, I began shopping iTunes on my phone and downloaded about 20 amazing Christian songs. I have been listening to a lot more K Love lately. Oh, I listent to it. I've just been listening to it more than usual. Anyway, did you know that when you listen to Christian music as opposed to say, Wreckx-N-Effect, you feel uplifted? I mean, “Rump Shaker” is a great song and all- I’ll give you that, but NOTHING compares to Casting Crowns’ “Voice of Truth.” I know, preacher has preached before and has, on more than one occasion, mentioned how our choice of music can affect our overall mood, but apparently it hadn’t really sunk in with me. Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I love praise and worship music and I listen to K Love in the car…..when I’m not listening to Y101 and I’ve got some praise and worship music on my iPhone that I listen to…….when I’m not breaking it down to Fergie. I just don’t have THAT many songs to choose from. So, with my $50.00 in iTunes gift cards, I went a shoppin’. And do you know what happened, you guys? Before I knew it, I was absolutely overcome with the Spirit and found myself in tears, hands raised, and singing “Sing to the King.” I know, right? “Satan is vanquished and JESUS is KING!” It was absolutely amazing and I wished the night hadn’t come to end, but momma needed some sleep, yo. And so this morning, on my way to work, I listened to my newly purchased music and guess what? I didn’t even yell at the guy who cut me off on Lakeland Drive. But even better than that, I did even WANT to yell at the guy who cut me off on Lakeland Drive. Instead, I was all, “Well heloooo. Come on over! I’ll make room…And a tip of the hat to YOU, good sir.” Oh, that should be read in your best Scottish accent. Or British, I haven’t quite decided yet, but how cool is that? I like it. I like it a lot.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


OK, it is late and I am tired so I'll make this brief. I just got sucked into watching TLC's "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant." I chased it with TLC's "650 lb Virgin." And because I'm a glutton for punishment, I topped THAT off with TLC's "Conjoined Twins: Sister Bond." That's right. The visuals alone will forever haunt me. The only thing better than that Trio of Television Wonder would be a combo platter featuring the "650 lb Virgin That Didn't Know She Was Pregnant with Conjoined Twins." I would totally stay up to finish that one!


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Whirlwind Weekend

OMG. What a whirlwind weekend. I never thought I’d be glad for a weekend to be over with, but I so am. We started out with a surprise 40th Bday party is Philly (MS, not PA) on Friday night. Only we didn’t get to exit Brandon until well after 8 pm, which is really awful when traveling with a 3 year old. Fortunately, Swaid was dropped off with the MIL and wasn’t to be making this trip with us. Did I miss him? Yes. Did I regret not bringing him? NOT.AT.ALL. You guys, the boy hates to sleep anywhere but his crib. Not on a bed. Not in a pack-in-play. Not with a mouse. Not on a house. He will not eat green eggs and ham. It ain’t happenin’, much to my MIL’s chagrin. Oh, and the kid has lungs. So apparently, he didn’t go to sleep until somewhere around 8:30’ish which is a full 2 hours after his normal bedtime….. AND he had to be rocked. Outside. On the porch swing. Until he fell asleep. OMG.

Anyway- we get to Philly (MS, not PA) at ALMOST 10:00pm. I am not kidding you. We missed the actual party, but arrived at the bday gal’s house like 4 minutes before they got home. It was cool and there were about 3 other couples that joined us. Apparently they all stayed up ‘til the 3 AM hour playing spades, but I am old for that so MP and I hit the hay at midnight. Brogan wasn’t at all happy about it either, but we made her go to bed with us. Next AM, we got up around 8:30’ish, ate breakfast (or brak-fast, as my daddy would say), visited ‘til 10:00 AM and left. We made the drive BACK to Brandon in order to be at our second birthday party of the weekend. It was at Shiloh Splash Park and it was not for a 40 year old. It was for a 3 year old and it would have been so much fun, had Brogan not decided to expand her hatred of grass and space jumps to include splash parks as well. I have never been so embarrassed in all of my days. Brogan told people she didn’t like them and to leave her alone. She screamed. She cried. She didn’t like the water. She didn’t want to get wet. She didn’t like the splashing. She didn’t like Baby Swaid getting in the water AND splashing. She didn’t like the sun. She didn’t like the sunscreen. She didn’t like the people. She didn’t like for MP to be wet. She didn’t like her swimsuit. She wouldn’t even WEAR her swimsuit. She didn’t want to be talked to. She didn’t want to be looked at. She didn’t like me being wet. She didn’t like me PERIOD. She wanted a popsicle and a Capri sun. OK, I’ll buy you a popsicle and a Capri sun if you’ll quit being “THAT KID”. I have no cash, but surely the water takes debit card. Surely! Maybe? Please…. The water park? DOES NOT TAKE A CARD! So, we’re back to square one with all the hatred and for a minute, I understand why people list their kids for sell on Craigslist. I don’t condone it, but I understand it. After an hour of this nonsense, we decide to leave and I offer not only my apologies, but money to the host to reimburse her for the fee she paid for Brogan to not enjoy anything at all. Of course, she has to take a check, because remember- I have no cash. She declines and in return offers me sympathy and a kind word. God bless her.

We come home. All 4 of us nap, but not nearly long enough. I can’t really remember the rest of Saturday afternoon, but we did have UFC at the house that night. I was about to lose my mind with the whining and the crying so I made my escape to Borders to meet my VBFF, Lacey and to throw away $4 on a Chai Tea Latte. No seriously, it was $4. I sipped it. I tried hard not to vomit because coffee drinks should NOT taste like Italian seasonings and I threw it away. We had so much fun. We looked at kids books and best sellers and we almost got suckered into buying a series that Lacey said, “looks a lot like Fear Street….FOR ADULTS!” It is still on my Amazon wish list. After the bookstore, we hit Newks for dinner @ 9:00 and our eyes were violated by a young couple making out in the booth. Passive aggressively, I Facebooked about it, rather than actually asking them to stop. It’s just what I do. Come home, oh good! Brogan’s still up and it’s nearly 10pm! Watch the rest of UFC. Still think that George St. Pierre is ADORABLE and I figuratively put him in my pocket so I can bring him out on a rainy day. He is just that cute.

SUNDAY- ok. So we didn’t make it to church on Sunday, but here’s why. MP got up with Swaid @ 6:30 and I stayed in bed with Brogan until 8:30. I know- MP is AWESOME! So I got up and MP said, “I’m gonna lie down for a minute.” Cool. I’ll just wake him up at 10:00 so we can go to 11:00 service. Well, guess what happened at 10:00? BOTH KIDS FELL ASLEEP. And guess what happened at 10:30? BOTH KIDS WERE STILL ASLEEP. So guess what I did? I DID NOT WAKE SLEEPING KIDS. I didn’t. They were tired and I was still reeling from Brogan’s fiendish behavior from 24 hours prior. I couldn’t do it again. So, I let MP and kids sleep and I clipped coupons. Once everyone was up and lunch was eaten, we headed to Bass Pro! This is our favorite place to go. Brogan LOVES it. It is free and it is air-conditioned. MP loves hunting and the boats. They have shoes. They have Starbucks. It really can’t get any better. We are there until 3:00 and remember, “yo- we got Bday party #3 in Clinton at 4.” We don’t want to drive back home to turn around and drive all the way back so we get iced mochas and kill time. Left @ 3:30, drive to Clinton for 4pm bday party. I was a little apprehensive because, well did you READ the 2nd paragraph?! But surprisingly, Brogan was AMAZING. This party was for her best friend, Claudia. A cute little doll-faced, precious child whom I just adore! Bebe had the best time and Swaid was just happy to be there. We left the party at 5:15 to go see my grandmother who also lives in Clinton. We had a nice visit AND I hooked her up with a new cleaning lady that starts this week. We leave and drive straight….you’re hoping I say “home” right? Well no. We head to my BIL / SIL house for the best steak known to man. Only I just get to hear about people talk about how good it is because I have a hole in my tongue and still can’t eat solid foods. Brogan slept thru dinner and Swaid was SO.HAPPY! We left there around 8’ish and came home. Put both kids in bed and relaxed. Overall it was a really nice weekend, but too much was crammed in. I feel like we ran all over creation and so we didn’t really get to enjoy everything as much as we should have been able to. It’s cool though. This weekend I plan on doing nothing. That’s right. Nothing. We have an invite to another Bday party @ the Splash Park on Saturday, but we ALSO have a wedding invite for the same time. I plan on sending gifts to both, but will probably not be in attendance. I say that, but really I will probably take SWAID to the bday party for Brogan’s friend and let her stay home hating people, grass, space jumps and water parks. It would just be easier on all of us.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Product Placement Friday

OK, because I am super, crazy busy at the moment, I’m gonna just pimp out a few products and call it a day. Does that work for you? Ok, good.

1- Fabuloso: This all-purpose household cleaner, in one word, is FABULOSO. It comes in spray form and also jumbo Sam’s Club form. I prefer the latter because I use it every day. For everything. It also comes in several “flavors”. I don’t know if “flavors” is the correct terminology, but work with me. Personally, I think the lavender is the best. But to be fair to the other “flavors”, I technically haven’t used them. I’m like that though. Once I like something, I will very rarely venture out and try something different. I mean, if it ain’t broke…. We used to have a housekeeper a few months ago that turned us on to this. She told me that you can also pour some in a pot and simmer it on the stove and it would make the whole house smell good. I tried this and while it DOES work, you have to be very careful not to let it simmer down to where it burns in the pot. Because then your house will smell the exact opposite of good to the nth degree. AND it takes FOREVER to make the smell go away.

2- Sexy Hair Concepts: Big Sexy Hair Shine Spray. I mean, WOW. This stuff makes your hair look AMAZING, even if you truly don’t have AMAZING hair. Even if you have the unhealthiest hair on the planet, Even if you have no hair at all! I guarantee you will love the way it makes your hair (or head) shine. It is fabulous. Truth be told, I haven’t used it as much lately, but I broke it out this AM and gave a spritz or 2 to my locks and low and behold, INSTANT SHINE! You DO have to be careful though when applying to your crown area. Hold the spray back a good 6 inches and only 1 spritz please. If you overdo it in that particular area, it will have the opposite effect and make your roots look as if they haven’t been washed in like…well, EVER. A little goes a long way is the thing to remember here.
OK- and for M. Diddy's sake, you should all know that Brogan asked for her "fan mail" yesterday as we drove past the mailbox.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Ode to M. Diddy- You Know Who You Are


Ode to M. Diddy- You Know Who You Are

So as of this morning, I was informed that according to the contents of my blog, I am considered “Borderline Narcissistic.” I was advised that “blogs should be about children” and “not about yourself.” To this person, I say, you obviously haven’t gotten the gist of the blog yet. When I started it, it was about my children. That was cool, because, well you have met my children. They are a forced to be reckoned with. But only writing about them was a little bit restricting. There are other things I’d like to say and opinions I have that I’d like to share that I really couldn’t tie in with the whole “all about my kids issue”. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I get really tired of only reading about other folks’ kids. Not that I don’t care, I do. It’s just that I would also like to know what is going on in someone else’s life, besides play dates, poopy diapers, and pacifiers hence the “100 Things To Know About Me.” Now of course you, M. Diddy, are probably bored to tears by this because I am sure you already know most of this, as you and your lovely wife are seriously two of my very bests. You are one of the only guys in the world I have intentionally burped in front of and I MAY have floated a biscuit in your truck on more than one occasion. I’m just sayin’ MAYBE. And it MIGHT have been intentional, but I can’t recall exactly. Our friendship dates back to when the FA was cool and Ice Ice Baby was our theme song. I enjoy being the third wheel on our lunch dates. I respect you and I love you as a friend and I especially love the way you treat Natty D’lite as she should be treated and by making midnight ice cream runs for her even though she is totally not even pregnant. I give you kudos for that. Oh, and the part about “bisque toilets?” I give you MAD PROPS for that. Dude, you are a SAINT, do you hear me? I love Natty D and the fact that we are BFF AND co-workers is the most awesome thing ever. It makes work and lunch time fun, although, I confess that riding in the car with you two can make me suicidal at times. I still love you. So this entry is for you, M. Diddy. I pour some out for my homey. Holla! PS- today is turkey and dressing day at Primo’s, FYI….hint….hint……just sayin’

76. Swaid is almost walking now. He’s 10 ½ months old and has started on table foods. Canned peas and canned carrots are his favorite!

77. Swaid still won’t hold his own bottle. He totally can, but refuses. I really can’t blame him though. I’d let someone feed me if I could get away with it.

78. Brogan went on her very 1st school field trip yesterday and I was a wreck! When asked what she did, she replied, “I hit Ryland with my baby doll and then went to time-out.” I’m sure he deserved it.

79. Brogan is obsessed with Phineas and Ferb and will watch it over and over and over.

80. Swaid is obsessed with Brogan. He loves her and when she enters the room, his smile says it all. He truly loves her. And Vice versa.

A’right, M. Diddy. I hope this appeases you and you don’t talk smack about me anymore. Smiley Face. Seriously, you are one of the best guy friends I have ever had. Thank you for that.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Tooth Extraction 09


So by now, I am sure most of you have already heard about my "Tooth Extraction 09" saga. If not, I'll be glad to recap.

It started out last Wednesday when I woke up with that horrible "Apthous Ulcer" - seriously, go back and read that entry to get an idea of the pain and then Google it. I really thought I had an abcessed tooth OR WORSE! Turns out it was nothing really, but while Dr Dental was all up in my mouf, he noticed some pus around my lower left wisdom tooth or #17 as he called it. I know, it's gross. You're welcome. Oddly enough, I'd not had one iota of pain, problem, swelling, nada in that tooth. There was absolutely nothing that indicated I was having any trouble and had it not been for the Ulcer of 09, I would have never known of the infection in #17. Dr Dental advised that infections could be recurrent and he opined that the tooth should come out asap. I actually have 3 wisdom teeth. They are all in, as in protruding from my gums, like regular teeth, not that have to be dug out like an archaeologist on a dig. If that makes sense. Anyway, we both agreed that they all should come out. Back story- I had scheduled an appointment to have the teeth removed several years ago. My appt date was actually a day or 2 after Hurrican Katrina, so we had to cancel due to the whole power outage issue. I DID reschedule for later that year, but found out I was pregnant with Brogan. As luck would have it, when I finally around to schedule it again, I was pregnant with Swaid and had to cancel yet again. So folks, what I'm saying is that I really did TRY to have them extracted much much earlier. Whatever. SO, back to last Wednesday: he referred me to an oral surgeon to have all 3 removed. This oral surgeon is the ONLY one in our crummy PPO network. Did you hear that workplace? Yea, I said it- CRUMMY! (I mean, but you guys totally rock and really I couldn't ask for a better goup of co-workers! Seriously! Love you- mean it! Muah!) Well, it just so happens that that oral surgeon had just removed the wisdom teeth of a prior co-worker approximately 4 months ago and that lady STILL has a bone infection. That's right- I said "has" as in present tense. I know, it was probably random, but still it made me nervous. After a pep talk with myself, I sucked it up because, well, not only am I insanely cool, but I also like to stare danger in the face, yo! That's just how I roll. So, I made the appt and feeling pretty confident, came back to my office and boldly announced to my co-workers that I was dancing with the devil and having my teeth pulled by THAT GUY. Quickly one of our girls responded with, "Yea. My cousin died the day he pulled her teeth." INTERNET- I AM NOT KIDDING YOU. Apparently, there was an issue with overdoing some anesthesia and now she was dead and there is a lawsuit pending, but not just THAT lawsuit pending, but MULTIPLE LAWSUITS PENDING. FROM MULTIPLE CLAIMS. I know, right?! So. I'm not gonna lie to you. I chickened out, called Dr Dental and exclaimed, "I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE, DOC! TOOOO YOOUUNGGG TOOO DIEEEEE". So what we decided is that he would pull the one wisdom tooth (#17) and we'd just see how long I could go before the other 2 gave me any problems. I'm cool with that. Fast forward to this past Monday. My appt was at 4:00 pm. I show up, feeling fairly certain that this will be a cake walk. 1- because I really do like going to the dentist and 2- because I have birthed 2 children via vajayjay so this? Was nothing. I am escorted into the room. It's small, almost like prison- cell small, but surprisingly airy. There is a big window on the back wall. The dental chair is positioned just so you're able to view the tree outside of it. I sit. The dental assistant comes in and clasps a bib to my shirt. The chair is comfortable, I have a great view, and she has started the gas. I can totally do this. Dr Dental comes in, explains to me what "extraction of #17" entails, and announces, "I have reviewed your scans. It looks simple enough. Your roots are severely curved, but I don't foresee this turning to pot. Let's get started." Yes, really. Those were his comforting words to me. I cannot be more serious. I think to myself as I'm watching out the window, "It's ok- there is now a bird hopping from branch to branch. I'll just watch that little guy!" The gas mask is placed on me and instantly my chair reclines. No longer am I viewing God's creation from the window, but rather directly up the nose of Dr Dental as he hovers over me. The gas is working now and he swabs my mouth with the "pink numbing gel". I haven't a better name for it, so that's what we'll call it. It tastes awful. I tell him that. He tells me I'll feel a little prick and he injects my mouth with novacaine. It really isn't bad until he hits the nerve dead on. It hurt like a mug. I still don't know who jumped higher although I am positive the assistant's bottom totally left her chair. I think the worst part is over. I don't know it yet, but I am so, so wrong about that. He is working away and I can't feel a thing. I can only smell the tooth as he drills into it. I can hear him asking the nurse for "surgical suction" and then "forceps". He ceases the drilling just long enough for me to calm down. I began to feel pressure as he removed 1/2 of the tooth. Once he picked the drill back up, I am nervous. I stare into the bright light now above my face and can't help but wonder what else "Pelton & Crane" have invented? or are they just the manufacturers? Do they just do dental supplies? Or do they work with all med specialties? He begins drilling again and I began reciting every verse I could think of. I had made it to "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper...." when it happened. The drill slipped and went into my tongue. In an instant, all the bible verses in my head were replaced with every ill thought and bad word I could imagine. I'm not proud of it, but it is the truth. I'm certain I even made up words. My only redemption is that they stayed there in my head and were never once uttered aloud. He stopped to suction the blood and it never stopped pouring. The drill had gone in quite a bit and required 4 or 5 sutures. It is stitched in an awkward spot under my tongue. If you lift your tongue, you'll see that connecty piece. Move over to the left. That spot way in the back where your tongue meets the fleshy part of your lower jaw? That is where I'm stitched. The worst part is that my tongue wasn't numb so I felt the drill, but I also felt every stitch. You guys, there has been no greater pain in the world than stitches in the underside of your tongue, and I have birthed 2 children. Do you hear what I am saying to you? I have had stitches where no woman ever wants to have stitches and the stitches in my tongue were a million times more painful than that. That is what I'm saying. When I was finally able to speak, all I could say was, "I mean, I don't think I hate you, but I am certain you won't be getting a Christmas card this year. And that stinks for you because my kids are really, really cute." He responded in kind with an apology and a script for Percocet. I think we're slowly on our way to becoming friends again.

66. I watch the Disney channel even when my kids don't.

67. I have had an eating disorder.

68. Ironically enough, it was only after having children that I began to love and to appreciate my body. It's not perfect, but it brought forth my children and if gaining 15 lbs is the price, I'll be glad to pay it.

69. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that she does not need a boy to make her complete.

70. I want my son to grow up knowing that women are to be cherished. And no one will ever love him like his mother does. smile.

71. My favorite date nights are those involving dinner and a home.

72. I wish I could write a book.

73. I am freaked out by clowns and porcelain dolls. I am not kidding.

74. When I was in 5th grade, I found a girl's body in a pool. Her swimsuit had gotten caught on the light at the bottom of it. She lived and suffered no permanent injuries, but I have been afraid of the water ever since.

75. I love to sing.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Brief Recap of July 4 Weekend

Brief Recap of July 4 Weekend

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. If you’re like me, I just don’t think that a 3 day weekend was long enough. I mean, this was a major holiday! I know I’m looking forward to Part 2 of our Independence Day Celebration on August 2. If you’ve read my prior post, you’ll totally get it. If not, you should because it’s awesome. I kid. It did make my husband laugh out loud though, so I was pretty stoked about that. We were pretty low-key all weekend, much to the disappointment of the paparazzi. It was so low-key, that I am struggling to remember what we actually did? Oh, yea. On Friday, we…wait for it. Are you sitting? Ok. We….cleaned the house and did some laundry. I know, right?! Dude, I didn’t even go to bed until sometime after 9:00 pm. I am WILD. Saturday, MP kayaked for something like 187 miles? Maybe not. I forget. I wasn’t paying ATTENTION. (Pinelakers. Did you see what I did there?! HA! Lettuce) I, on the other hand, single-handedly wrestled two, count ‘em TWO wild, maniacal children that morning. Brogan was all, “Where’s MY DADDYYYY?...I WANT MY DADDEEEE” And I was all, “For the love, child, will you just please stop whining?! Here, have a dollar!” Swaid was just happy to be there. You guys, he is the sweetest baby in the world. Don’t get me wrong, he is a handful. He’d rather chew on electrical cords and run with scissors than actually be still, but really- He is so so cute. To keep from losing my mind, we took a “field Trip” to Wal Mart at 8:30 AM. Both kids did so well, I got them each a “happy”. OK, let's be honest here. Both kids did so well BECAUSE OF the happy. Not necessarily the other way around. Don’t judge me. They were perfect cherubs, but got a little fidgety about ½ thru so they each got a toy. What?! Like you have never bribed your child. Puh-leeze. I am not buying it. When MP got home, I was exhausted and all 4 of us were ready for a nap, so a nap we took. FOR.TWO.WHOLE.HOURS. I did get up before the rest because, well, a woman’s work is never done. I began cleaning out the fish tank. All 55 gallons of it. No. You read that right. 55. As in fifty five. Or Fiddy-Fi if you’re reading this in rapper speak. MP got up just a few minutes after me and so he handled the hard part for me, so that was much appreciated. We ate lunch, played with the children and later that evening, Brogan and I went to PetSmart and bought 5 new fish. We came home, welcomed the little guys into the tank, ate some burgers that MP grilled. Best.Burgers.Ever. and had MP’s cousin, Mindy, and her 3 year old little girl, Hope, over for the night. The girls played together like the best of friends, except that one time when Brogan was a thug and hit Hope in the eye. I felt bad and sent Brogan to bed. It was late anyway. Sunday, we churched it at 11:00, buffeted it at Mitchell Jones at 12:30, then we wedding’d it at 3:00. When we got home last night at 6:30, I literally set a timer for 60 minutes and ran thru the house like a mad woman. I started some laundry, and went about cooking, cleaning, and barking orders to HEY YOU PICK UP YOUR MESS I AM NOT YOUR MAID AND SWAID STOP EATING TRASH OFF THE FLOOR SON, BROGAN IT IS TIME YOU STARTED TO EARN YOUR KEEP, CHILD! When the timer went off, we had all eaten, the house was spotless, the fish were fed and the baby was in bed. MP and I chillaxed on the couch and watched “Bourne Supremacy” because, well that movie NEVER gets old. And that's about it....

Omg- I can’t believe I almost forgot…. MP’s mother had given us an old Singer sewing machine base that she used as a kitchen table. Well, the glass top was broken, so MP made a top for it over the weekend and I am telling you, it MAKES our kitchen now. I’ll post pics soon!
Have some more random tidbits:

56- I love blueberry muffins and have just discovered the 2nd best blueberry muffin in the world (the 1st would be Starbucks muffins). If you live or work near a Penn’s (yes, the chicken-on-a-stick Penn’s), then I suggest you run (don’t walk!) to it and eat a muffin. Right.This.Minute. If you DON’T live near a Penn’s, then might I suggest a weekend getaway to any destination putting you within walking distance of one. Yes. They are just that good.

57- I would wear blue jeans, t-shirts and flip flops every day if I could. Just not the SAME blue jean/t-shirt/flip-flop outfit. That would be gross.

58- I am a homebody by definition of the word; however, I LOVE to travel.

59- Italy is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been and since I threw a penny into the Trevi Fountain, I’ll totally be going back one day. It was my wish.

60- I make wishes in fountains. I don’t necessarily believe they’ll come true, but it’s still fun and I encourage my children to do the same.

61- I love to make lists. LOVE.TO.MAKE.LISTS. I felt that needed to be emphasized. It’s a big one. I make lists everyday, for everything, multiple times a day. Even for other people, much to MP’s chagrin.

62- I like to imagine what I would do if I ever won the Powerball Lottery. Only I don’t gamble and have never bought a ticket, so I’m fairly certain that I haven’t a snowball’s chance at actually winning it. If someone just wanted to give me lots of money though, that’d be cool too.

63- I hate doing laundry. That doesn’t cover it. Let me start over… I hate doing laundry more than any person on this planet has ever hated anything in their entire life. I hate it more than the dentist hates it when people don’t floss. I hate it more than PETA hates for people to wear fur. I hate it more than Wile E. Coyote hates that he can’t catch Roadrunner. I hate it with a passion that burns brighter than that of ten thousand suns. Hate.

64- I think that Sock Monkeys are God’s way of apologizing to me personally for the following:
1- Roaches
2- Mosquitoes
3- Oranges
4- All good foods carrying an inhumane amount of fat and calories, like Mexican Food, doughnuts and Cheetos
5- Ob/Gyn exams (ladies, can I get a witness?!)

65- I am undergoing Part 1 of Project Wisdom Tooth Extraction in T minus 4 hours. Nothing funny here. Sorry

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th!

So real quick, while both of my children are still sleeping all nestled up in their beds, well maybe not their "own" beds, per se, but they are sleeping soundly in SOMEONE'S bed. This would totally explain why I am up at such an hour with really no good reason. Hmph. Ingrates ran me out of my own sleeping quarters is what I'm sayin....

Anyway, after I was beaten by a million little feet, I went ahead and got up before sustaining any serious injury. A toddler size 7.5 is mighty cute, but the mule kick to the gut is not. So here I am- good morning! I am now waiting on my coffee. Oh. Sweet coffee. How I do love thee. Let me count the, with cream, with sugar, with cream and sugar, vanilla creamer, hazelnut creamer, tiramisu creamer, vanilla toasted almond cinnamon chocolate dulce de leche...with cool whip. Dude, I could go on for days, but I won't. It is my crutch. So while I am waiting on my wondrous early morning friend, I thought I'd drop a line to say Happy Independence Day. Enjoy your freedom, but please, I implore you to be safe and don't be acting a fool. I really like you all and would hate to see you on the 6:00 news. Plus, I can't offer any bail money and I can't say for certain, but prison coffee just sounds like it would be bad.

I don't know a whole lot about the American Revolution, but I do know that today should be a celebration of our freedom. John Adams wrote to his dear sweet wife Abigail that:

"The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.[5]"

I ganked this from Wikipedia. He probably went on to say, "Dudes, let's grill some steaks! Abby- you get the meat ready and the baked beans. For Pete's sake, don't forget the baked beans, woman. They MAKE the meal. Ooh- Tommy Boy {Jefferson}, since you're the principal author of this mug- YOU GET THE FIREWORKS! Johnny {hancock}, Imma let you and Josiah {bartlett} take care of getting the iced tea and watermelon. Willie- um, all 6 of you- listen up! {Whipple, Ellery, Williams, Floys, Paca, Hooper), you guys send invites and don't forget to include the RSVP! I HATE it when folks don't RSVP. How will we EVER know how many plates/cups/forks/spoons/napkins we need?! After that, you need to help Abby with the coleslaw and potato salad- the white kind, not the yellow. NO ONE LIKES THE YELLOW!" Then he throws his hands up and goes, "BENJI {franklin}! Brah, I almost forgot the homemade ice cream!! Do me a solid, get with the Georges - yea, all 5 of 'em, and you guys handle the ice cream. A'ight?! I'll get with the other guys and get some games set up. We GONE PAHHTAYYY like it's 1899, y'all!!!" I mean, I wasn't there so I can't promise this happened, but in my mind it totally did.

Wiki also states that although he wrote this to her on July 2, they debated the Declaration of Independence and it wasn't finalized until July 4, 1776. AND that it was actually signed on August 2, 1776. I don't know about you, but that means we'll be celebrating TWICE around these parts!!!

Now go out and enjoy this day for all it's meant to be! Thank the Lord for allowing us to be born in such a great country. If you weren't born here, but live here now? Thank Him for that. Live here now, but don't like it? Thank Him for the opportunity you have to leave, and then Thank You for doing so. Thank Him for our forefathers that took a stand on our behalf. Thank Him for the US of A. Despite what economic issues and healthcare flaws we have, we are STILL a stronger, more powerful nation than anyone else in the world AND we have FREEDOM. Thank Him for all that. And then let that part about prison coffee deter you from doing anything stupid.
God Bless America.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A whole lot about nothing

A whole lot about nothing

I am currently sitting here focused intently on this blog, listening to “Guns N Roses” (hush up. I have a defense. The iPod? She is on shuffle. I JUST listened to Third Day’s “Revelation”…but to be honest, before that it was Ludacris’ “Shake Yer Moneymaker” shut.up.)…yea, so I like to chase my Praise music with Soul Train. Don't judge me already. I am a very cultured, very well rounded individual. I’m also drinking an Edge Efusjon energy drink (thanks, Leah! I’m hooked now. I’ve now been Efusjed times two days and I can never go back. Will be calling you later to get the hook up- k? Bye.), oh and I’m also working. That’s right. A multi-tasker is what I am. Technically, I’m at lunch, but whatever. I prefer to work during lunch time because the phones don’t ring and I get a TON of work done. I like that feeling of accomplishment. I even took a break from that to post this for you guys. I know. I’m a giver. That’s so not the point of this entry and come to think about it, I don’t think I even have one. Sorry.

So, although today is actually my Friday, I don’t have any products to hawk. Sorry about that too. I also don’t have any pictures for you. And I kicked a puppy, clubbed a seal, killed a tree and left the toilet seat up. I am just a bad person today, aren’t I? You're welcome. I did think of a few more facts that I’ll share. Not that you care, but since it’s filler for me we’ll go with it.

46- I like the smell of skunks. I do. Mp and I even rescued 2 baby skunks from the highway once. We named them Georgio and Chanel.

47- I am a namer. I name everything. Pets, random animals, cars, boats, food, even people if I don’t know their actual name….or sometimes I DO know their actual name, but I’ll just rename them anyway. I’m like that. Basically if it’s a noun, I’ll name it and if I don’t particularly like your given name, I may rename you too only you will probably never know. Smiley Face.

48- I wish they’d bring back Popples. And Munchee-Chees (sp?). Toys of the 80’s were WAY better than today’s. Except the slinky, they can keep that one.

49- I love asparagus, despite the “Stinky Pee” phenomenon. You know what I’m talking about.

50- I would bleach my teeth daily if the enamel would allow it, but it won’t so I don’t. In hindsight, if I didn’t drink so much coffee, I probably wouldn’t even need to bleach. But let’s be honest here, coffee is my crutch. You wouldn’t like me without it. That, I can promise you.

51- There is nothing on this planet cuter than a fuzzy baby Canada goose. Not even when those jerks cross Layfair Drive and I have to wait for all eight thousand of them to waddle by, making me run later than I probably already am. They are still just that cute.

52- I believe with every fiber of my being that the Lord puts people in our lives for very specific reasons. Aside from certain friends, I can clearly identify 3 people specifically. Those 3 relationships (good and bad) all played a major part in God molding me into who He wants me to be. Looking back, I can clearly identify them as: the one who broke me, the one who mended me, and the one who healed me. I can totally see it, even though at the time I didn’t understand why.

53- I loved being pregnant. Loved everything about it. Loved the “glow”. Loved the stretchy clothing. Loved the feel of the baby’s movement. I especially loved the way people went out of their way to accommodate you. You should all keep that part up.

54- I sincerely wish Lady GaGa would wear pants. Really.

55- I could totally be a “Coyote.” And I would be the best “Coyote” YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.

On that note, Beyonce is a callin’ ….Imma go “Put a Ring on It” …..PEACE.

True conversation at Disney World.

ME: Bye Mickey Mouse! See you later!!!
MP: Bye Mickey Mouse! Thank you…..
Bebe: HOLLA.

She makes me proud to be her mother.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A few of our favorite things...

So I try to write my blog during my lunch hour, but since I am a slave to Primo's Fried Broccoli , you guys get pictures instead. I am weak.

Lock up your daughters.
My favorite little Swede.

Aside from someone's TRUNK in this picture, it'd be one of my favorite.

My favorite man in the world. Best daddy, best husband, best KAYAKER! Yea, I'm sure I earned major brownie points for that. The kayaker part anyway- he already knows the rest. Smile.

Tutu's are an angler's ensemble.

My most favorite princess, ever. She pretty much rules this Kingdom over here.....

Sure, he's got common folks wrapped. He's moved on to bigger fish....

This was my favorite family vacation yet. Brogan calls Fairy Godmother "Grandmother" and so every time we walked by, "Grandmother" would yell out and speak to her "Granddaughter." It's one of those "you really had to be there" moments.

I know, right?! Could you just DIE?! This is Brogan's favorite stuffed animal "Zebra". She knows it's a giraffe, but his name is Zebra. She also has a squirrel named "Turkey"....Just go with it.

My favorite son. In fact, I dare say this is my most favorite boy on the planet. Sure, he's my only son, but if he weren't, he'd prolly still be my favorite. Just sayin. We're tight.

My favorite birthday party yet! I don't know who was more excited. And yes. I am wearing a tiara and a ball gown. It is what you do when hosting a Princess themed party.

My favorite cupcakes. I couldn't find a "before" picture. Strawberry on strawberry. Dude, they were solid.

My mom bakes cakes. My mom rocks. My favorite cake award goes to this. Well, ok not technically true. For Brogan's 1st birthday, she made a real life pink Eiffel Tower cake. It was like a foot tall. It was awesome. That theme was "Pink Poodles in Paris". Don't judge me.

My favorite birthday party to date. What? You mean Cinderella and Ariel don't come over for your kid's 3rd birthday?! OMG. I don't even know what we'll do for her 16th....
PS- Brogan is the non-bowed child. Cambrie is the other pretty, pretty princess! They could be twins!

My favorite place in the continental U.S. I would move there tomorrow if I could....

My favorite holiday. I put my tree up on Halloween weekend and it doesn't came down til after New Year's Day. Shut up. I also listen to Christmas music year round. I love it; however, most of the time it is forced upon me via my cube neighbor....NATALIE. Our tree is old and leans a little, but I can't bring myself to throw it out. It really was beautiful, this picture just doesn't do it justice.

My favorite UFC Fighter, Rich "Ace" Franklin. Oh, is he attractive? Really?! I mean, I didn't even notice....