From 60 Feet to 42,731,040 Feet in 44 Days

I googled today. Did you know that the distance between Jackson, Mississippi to Kampala, Uganda is 8,093 miles? Know how many feet are in a mile? 5,280. Do the math.

It’s funny how when we submit to the will of God, we will be called to do things and to go places we never imagined we’d go. On purpose. And be excited about it.

It’s funny how when you seek something with your whole heart and commit to obedience, that He will give you an unexplainable affection for a people you have never met.

It’s funny how a Holy book of words can speak louder than a television at a sound level of 100.

It’s funny that watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” makes me want more of what I’ve got and less of what they have.

It’s funny how the more times I type “funny”, it starts to look like a word that my child made-up.

Better Late Than Never

I sho hope the postmaster doesn't miss this one.

Random Thoughts

Can sweat perspire? Because I'm fairly certain mine is.

Going to the library to get my mail.....Because I delivered it into the book return slot last night. Yeah, so.....

So where would one buy crime scene tape? Suddenly overcome by the desire to own some.

Headed to Toys R Us because, really, Christmas will be here before we know it.

We're still in our pj's. At 4pm. And technically we're only a few hours from bedtime. Shameful? Or just ahead of my game?

Someone has defaced a Lee Yancey sign on Hugh Ward Blvd. I call for banishment. FROM AMERICA.

My children have started calling me "Mamacita". I started to question their strange behavior but then I remembered who their parents are and it totally makes sense....

"Daddy! Don't cut my grass!" - Swaid (on not wanting a haircut)

I don't know why, but I am almost always more productive on blue jean day.

Ugh. I ate so many carbs at lunch that I actually prayed for the Rapture to occur just to end my suffering...

On opposite day, I would totally love the Hind's County Health Department.

I Tell No Lie

This is an actual conversation that took place via telephone.

Me:        “Hey, I just realized I put my underwear on backwards.”

MP:        “I can see how it could happen…”

Me:        “Yeah, but I’m wearing thongs.”

MP:        “You’re a freak.”

You guys. It took me HOURS to figure this out.

Hott, Ya'll

Oh emm gee. It is too hot to wear clothes.

Out of Touch with Reality

 

I don’t watch television for the most part. I don’t really listen to secular radio stations anymore. I don’t know if Ryan Seacrest is single. I’ve never watched an entire American Idol episode and if you told me about Fantasia? I’d swear you were talking about the creepy Mickey Mouse movie with the music, the broomstick, and all those dancing hippos. I couldn’t have told you for a million dollars what a “justin beiber” was or what he sang were it not for my 7 year old niece. I don’t read People magazine or follow the “E” Channel. I don’t know if/when/to whom Hugh Hefner married. Or even if he did? I think I saw something on the cover of a magazine about it while I was standing in line at the checkout. I don’t know for sure. I don’t pay attention to brand names anymore. Heck, I don’t wear makeup 6/7 days of the week if I can help it. I do get pedicures on occasion, but it’s mainly to fight off an ingrown toenail. I get my eyebrows waxed and hair highlighted, but only when it’s convenient for me. Doesn’t really matter to me what my roots look like. I don’t know what the “Joneses” are up to because I quit trying to keep up with them a long time ago. I’ve never seen True Blood. Or Sons of Anarchy. I stopped watching Gray’s Anatomy shortly before George died. I tried watching Parenthood one time, but they yelled. A lot. I don’t know whose song is in the top 40 countdown anymore. I don’t even know if they still have a “Top 40 Countdown” anymore. I could probably tell you too much about the Disney channel, but only because it’s all my kids watch and I’ve learned by osmosis. I don’t know of any Hollywood scandals right now or if Paris Hilton is still “hott”.  

Too many times I have heard, “You are out of touch with reality.” And given the world’s view, I guess I am.

But I can tell you the startling statistics of abandoned children. I think about them every day. I can tell you that the majority of the people on this planet live on less that $1 per day (say that in your best Sally Struthers for full effect). I can quote my favorite Bible verses as they should apply to any given situation. I can tell you where we send our money and here’s a hint, it’s not to the Joneses. I can sing songs of comfort, encouragement, and Veggie Tales. I would rather be in my kitchen with my family than a shopping mall with strangers. God is good. My children are joyous. MP and I are content. And in love.

That is my reality. And I love it.

Best. Friends. Ever. (But I'm missing Jamie O and Angel D!!)

And yes this is a really old picture. I was pregnant with Swaid.

Simplify: Do or Die

Last night, MP and I watched Hoarders on A&E. On purpose. I don’t watch a lot of television so it was nice to sit down and relax for awhile; however, I’d never seen a full episode before so I actually wasn’t relaxed at all. I realize hoarding is a serious mental condition that affects nearly 3 million people (according to the show) and I would NEVER make fun, but I couldn’t help but assume that those nearly 3 million people reside somewhere in a “Land of Excess”. Like, I don’t know how many poverty-stricken, malaria-ridden, third world country residing folks are hoarding right now, is what I’m saying. I don’t even know what they WOULD be hoarding, if they did? Goats, maybe? I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Can’t trust a goat, they eat everything. Point it, it just reminded me of two things: 1- to be thankful for everything we have and 2- I should probably be giving my excess away.

I want to simplify: do or die. And I’m sure the Marine Corps probably won’t mind my alteration of their famous saying. They stole my birthday, so we’re even. Ooh-rah. I love organization and cleanliness. I think I’ve discussed before that I’m a little obsessive about list-making. I was born to do it. And when our house gets in disarray, I FEEL it. I get almost like a claustrophobic feeling of things closing in on me and I get aggravated. Funny how the cleanliness of one’s house can dictate one’s mood, but it does. MP can testify. So in watching this show last night, I was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and urgency. Like, I felt a little guilty for sitting and watching television and that I needed to hurry up and purge our house.

Because it was late, I resisted the urge to scour our toilets. Instead, I did come up with a plan to de-clutter and am excited to be starting this weekend. MP just doesn’t know it yet. I like to surprise him. It’s the little things, ya know?

And now? A picture:

Tuesday was a Monday in Sheep’s Clothing

I started Tuesday off by oversleeping a little bit. OK. A LOT bit. Then when I did wake up, it was to cough so hard that I could not help but throw up sinus drainage that had apparently gathered together overnight in my stomach and decided that 650AM was as good a time as any to stage a revolt against me. Or a little sinus drainage flash mob, if you will. You’re welcome. It was violent. After I was fully convinced I had not been poisoned, I collected myself and finally made it to work a full one hour late.

This actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Crazy lady with great hair say what?! I know. Because vomit is never good.

But see. While I was busy coughing and gagging and fighting off Ralph in my bathroom in an effort to get ready to come to work, our work was conducting company-wide layoffs. Apparently this is what happens when one’s company is bought out by a larger someone else’s company. I made the cut, which is a huge relief because, well, see EVERY post below, but a few of my co-workers were not so fortunate.

I’m just thankful I was gagging my head off instead of being here to witness it.

Silver lining, folks. Always find it.

I just want to go ahead and apologize in advance for the multitude of photos I’ll be posting here, as well as, the number of words I’m about to post in a single sentence, but did you know that you can take a picture with your phone, email it to yourself, open it in word “paint”, save it as a jpeg and WHAMMO! ATTACH IT TO A BLOG?!

Jus lika dat. MAGIC.

You guys have no idea how much this makes me smile. I am many things, but tech savvy I am not. I like to think that my great hair makes up for that though. Back to tech-savvy-ness. The best part about this phenomenon is that I sort of accidentally discovered it myself. Like, maybe I AM actually a genius. You’re sitting out there in blog world all, “Whatever, she’s not a genius, but I mean she DOES have great hair, so I’ll give her kudos for that, but genius? I think not. No way”. And in defense, I’m all, “WAY! BECAUSE HOW ELSE COULD MY BRAIN KNOW TO DO THINGS THAT MY HANDS HAD NOT FIGURED OUT YET?!”

Don’t have an answer, do ya? Booyah.

FACE OF A (non make-upped) GENIUS

Because…….AMERICA! That’s why.

I mean, COME ON!! This kid doesn't just wear RED, WHITE and BLUE proudly. Nay. SHE OWNS IT.

Reason #11,467 why I love my husband.

Who else would defend my honor from the steely mean glares of a Bass Pro mannequin? Huh? WHO?! I ask you.