Thursday, September 17, 2009

In other news, my kid's a biter.

So, I’m happy to report that Huggies Overnight Diapers are the answer to everyone’s problems. Kid wetting through everything you put them in? Huggies Overnight Diapers. Kid won’t eat veggies? Huggies Overnight Diapers. Healthcare Reform? Huggies Overnight Diapers. World hunger? Huggies Overnight Diapers. H1N1? Huggies Overnight Diapers. Stray dog tearing up trash on your back porch and running off LIKE A COWARD? Huggies Overnight Diapers. You see where this is going, right? They’re awesome and I’m totally pimping them out right now. Even if you don’t have a kid per se, you NEED some of these Huggies Overnight Diapers. Really. They are life-changing.

In other news, my kid’s a biter. We had this problem when Brogan was a wee lass and in the first two years of her life, she bit 52 kids at daycare. As sure as I’m sitting in this chair, she actually bit 8 kids in 1 day – not a 24 hour period – an 8 hour daycare day. That’s every kid in her class at the time. In fact, Brogan was the reason that the “3 Bites and Your Kid Goes Home!” rule was instituted. You’re welcome. She did eventually outgrow it around the age of 2. After she bit me. On the arm. And then I bit her back. On the arm. YES I DID AND I DO NOT REGRET IT NOT ONE BIT. I was all "IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT, GET OUT THA KITCHEN, SISTER!" I was not having my child chomp on me for anything. Understandably, kids are kids and please take note that she had her fair share of bite marks, so it was totally reciprocal. But still, I was a little embarrassed when I got to the daycare and found out that she had been "quarantined" (their words- not mine) at lunch and forced to sit at a separate table because she bit kids when they got near her Cheeto’s. I don’t blame her really- they were the crunchy kind and everyone knows better than to mess with someone’s crunchy Cheeto’s. That’s just not kosher. But whatever. I was relieved when she stopped.

Fast forward to yesterday. Swaid bit two kids AND pinched someone’s cheek. I’d like to say it was provoked, but I’m almost certain it wasn’t. In fact, just yesterday morning Swaid got his first official "spanking" (yes. We spank. Please don't tell me how to raise my kids and I won't tell you how to raise yours. Thx.) when he clocked Brogan in the face with MP’s Blackberry. He hit her so hard that it left a mark on her forehead. Why? BECAUSE HE WAS BEING A JERK. I witnessed it- she had not provoked him. She wasn’t attempting to steal a toy from his chubby knuckled clutches. She- are you ready for this? – ASKED HIM IF HE’D HAD A GOOD NIGHT?! Are you hearing me? My sweet angel baby girl was showing concern for her brother when he maliciously attacked her. I think he’s watching too much UFC Fight Nights, but at least I know my boy’s got a MEAN RIGHT HOOK!

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